Reminiscence~

2010-03-18T00:11:00.003+08:00

i blame myself for it.
juggling my mind and thoughts.
everything seems fallen apart for me.
or maybe it's just me.
i can't stop it.
i find no reason for myself to be happy.
but i'm still finding reason to be happy.

i regretted not going in to see her for the last time.
i regretted not visiting her in the past few years.
but rip great-grandmum.

i can't face myself, face the others.
i know i'm not being myself.
it may just seems that, everything is fallen apart.
people drift away from one another.
sometimes, the little things that your say,
although it was just a remark, it make a big impact.
i know it myself that it maybe a joke.
but at times, i really am not able to take it.

the things and stuff that your say,
it clearly reflects on me.
maybe in the first place, i should be the one that is out.
i don't know. i don't know how to handle all this relationship again.
i'm tired. i'm scare. i fear. but i still act a strong front.
i know at times, the stuff that your say was just for fun.
but maybe i just take it too seriously.

guess i was just lousy and not able to handle all these.
all along, i'm just alone.
i don't know who to turn to already.

maybe i was the one that acted weird.

2010-03-01T00:44:00.002+08:00

EXAM is OVERR!
as for now i'm an UNOFFICIAL graduate!
ANYWAY!
heading off to vietnam in 8hrs!
shall update when i'm back!

bye peeps! takecare! (:

<3 ym

intheworld

2010-02-23T21:56:00.003+08:00

It was never easy to go through the 'down period'
As day pass by, we asked ourself what we have achieve.
Looking back into the past.

I had a dream, a dream that reminds me of the past.
'Reminiscence'
Till today, i had not finish using the things that you gave me.
I'm still looking at it everyday.
But the past always remain as memories.

'Memories'
I believes in everyone heart, there is always some memories that stay with them throughout their lives.

We all know that it was hard to let go at times.
However, the world is still making his turn,
the time is still going towards the future.
Indicating that we should move on.

After all that have happen in my life since i'm sensible.
The little details kept in my heart.
Keeping it as my memories.
It's memories because i'ad already move on with my life.

My closest kin, my brother flew off back to Perth today.
Wonder when will he come back.
But no matter what unhappy stuff we had, it doesn't matter.
I will still wish him safe and study hard over there.
Don't make our parents worry. (:

I understand one point
"no matter where they are,
no matter what happen to you,
no matter how far or close they are,
they'do always care and love you.
because they are someone you will care always and vice-versa"

I'm off to study.
The last lap of my poly life.
But will also mean the beginning of another phrase in life. (:

2010-02-20T19:29:00.001+08:00

She do always respect him and care for him.
Because,
* he's older than her.
* they've the same blood flowing
* and because they are one family.

Since young, their parents did a lot for them.
Give them the best, especially towards him.
At the back, whenever he got a hurdle,
he don't approach and tell them.
However, in the end they found out.

Deep in their heart, does he know how they feel and think?
How hurt they are when he should approach them but he did not.
Time and time again, they feel hurt and talk to each other about it.
Most of the time, she is always there.
Listening to their problem and their thoughts.
But does he ever know that?

Every time when he face a hurdle,
and wanted them to leave him alone.
She was with them, looking at their sad and disappointed face.
in their mind, what they are thinking.
"is it that i did not taught him well?"
"what have happen that turn him to be like this"

Looking at her parents, she feel that she should be more understanding.
She tell herself that, no matter what she will not be like him.
She will stand by their side no matter what happen.
Until now, no matter how hurt he have done to her, she still continue to stand them.
Alone and accompanying them.

In her mind, she say to herself,
"Because you are my brother, you're the guy and no matter what, you will be the first and i should always give in to you."

But time and time again, he have hurt her deeply.
From the start of his university application,
he did not fulfill what he has promise.
He BROKE that promise he have to her.

Always being so self-centered, thinking of himself and not the family.
Or maybe yes he do, only towards his parents.
To her, she feel that he only care more about himself.
When he need something, he will come back.
When he has it, he will turn around and go the other way.

Yes, no doubt that at times he does care about her.
Buying her birthday present and all, but all these does not mean the hurt is not that.
They never have a chance to compromise.
It was never fair for her.

She have tolerated it for month since he's back for holiday.
But up till now she already cannot take it any longer.
She break down. Does he know? No he don't.
The excuses that he always use was,
"I'm leaving already, you can use all you want after that"

But that's not the point that she want to bring it across.
She just want things to be fair.
At least, let her use it when she is in need.
She don't mind to suffer a bit.
Because she can take it.
But he don't understand.
All he think was himself.

They don't want to scold him, because they can't bear to.
They know he have grown up. But not yet that independent.
Does he even know, how sad when they always see him coming home so late?
How painful they feel when they see his health deteriorate.
Does he know how much family time they want with him, but they only get so little.
Does he know how much they want him to understand.
Does he?

Now that he's leaving soon, but the time they spend together was so little.
She being the youngest in the family, have to let him do whatever he want.
Give him whatever she have. She know that life's unfair.
Although they are fair to both of them.
But deep down, from the day she was born up till now,
Deep in her heart, she always know, He will always be the first in mind.
Be it from family or relative. Because he's the guy from the family.
She only have to tolerate and give in.
And years from now, she will still have to continue leading this kind of life.
until one day, when she move out and continue her life elsewhere.
That's because she is the only girl.

Everyone have their own life that they lead.
Everyone have their own problem in life.
Everyone wants to have a better life.

She only wish that one day he will understand.

2009-12-29T14:50:00.002+08:00

Give yourself some time to think through what you have done for this whole year.
What is it that you have achieve.
What is it that you have learn.
What is it that you need to change.
What is it that you did not put in your effort.
What is it that you want it to be better.
What is it that you told yourself but yet you did not do it.

Ask yourself.
What is life to you.
What kind of life do you want to lead.

Recently, wisdom of word by friend is flashing through my mind.
"it doesn't matter how many friends you have in your life, but it only matter who will be there when you need them"
"24 hours a day, have you done something meaningful and progressive or just wasting the time of your life off"
"life maybe full of ups and downs, but it's the downs who let us realise that we should treasure the ups and learn from the downs"
"don't let it affect you, but try to ignore and move on"

2009-08-20T23:50:00.002+08:00

when there is 2 path infront of you.
which path will you take.
where will the path lead you to?
is the path exactly what you want?

at this moment, i should be having fun and not care about exam anymore.
unofficially, exam ends today. but there is still calculus paper.
which i think i will screw it up. just that, i don't want to give up at the very moment. ohwell, guess i will mug hard tmr before the paper start.
guess i will just read through it tmr.

as for now, i need to sleeepppppp! (:

2009-08-19T14:13:00.003+08:00

this song is nice.(:
for now, i shall get back to my studies.
shall update soon.(:

ps. i'm feeling better already. guess the cause of being so emo for the last 2 post was mainly due to lack of sleep, overstress and not feeling well. lol!

2009-08-16T16:37:00.001+08:00

i'm fucking not feeling okay now.
both mentally and physically
FUCK!

2009-08-15T23:33:00.002+08:00

i don't know where i find the courage to open the history and read it.
as i continue reading. i almost .......
when everything was just fine, but in fact, it's changing every minutes, every second

suddenly feels i'm back to the year. but, in actual fact, it's different now.
the past is already the history. as for the current, i just wish that things will remain as it is now. fuck. i'm just not being myself today.

please get back to the track and not make another mistake or u-turn.
if possible......

2009-08-13T22:46:00.002+08:00

at this point of time, i should be mugging hard for my gscm paper.
i'm only left with 10 hours. awwwww! i hope all the stuff is inside my brain.(:
okay. back to mugging!

I <3 MY LIFE!

2009-08-09T19:56:00.004+08:00

Knowing that exam is just round the corner. Everyone is mugging for exam, hoping to score well this semester. (:

Wednesday, 5th Aug'09
It was kind of an important day for me. Had the 1st interview in my life. Went to TEC for an interview, was damn freaking nevous. but everything went well. studying with Nabil, Lester, Fishball and Genevieve at Paya Lebar HAN'S.

studying with them is fun. we did study but in the end we started to TALK!!
have a fun time asking each other about SSM(short form) ask me if you wanna know.(:

when we start the whole topic of SSM! when we put aside the books.haha!

well, it didnt stop there, we decided to go near chompchomp for ice-cream.but in the end we went to 7-11 and brought a tub of ben&jerry ice-cream and off we go to a pub nearby. play games there *truetrue*- meant to be kept confidential to the 5 of us.(:
look at fishball hand! having the whole tub of ice-cream to herself.
ended the day by sending gene back home. while nabil send fb home and met up with me and lester after that.donno why, but the guys send me home and went off to other place after that.

Thursday, 6th Aug'09
As usual, Thursday is the Lecture days. Went to fetch Shaq and lester in the morning and went off to class. After class, went studying with the rest. SITI join us today! finally. shall skip the studying part, nabil and lester went off earlier, so left the girls. decided to go chomp chomp for dinner.
Their SATAY!

Friday, 7th Aug'09
Study with Siti in school before fb, nabil and ash meet us. Seriously, Calculus is so screw up! ): oh, and to realise, everyone is wearing black today. hahaha!

Saturday, 8th Aug'09
Piano lesson in the morning as usual, went to meet nabil first to studyat Valleypoint Starbucks. nice place to study. Fb join us after that and we went to this ice-cream place to study for awhile.

Head off to lester's place to study. Guess what we were doing there half of the time.Pictures explain it all.haha.*photo of the day man!both of them act like they are MODEL! but it's NICE! THUMBS UP!!((:But no matter what, i did study and while waiting for Nabil, i finish 1 GSCM paper! (:
See the FUN we have while studying. Well, no matter what, i love being with them. Life is so fun and happy with all of them around!HAHAHA! let's all put in our best effort in STUDYING and PLAYING.
LOVE YOU GUYS LOTSSSXX!!

2009-08-04T01:43:00.003+08:00

YOHOO!finally all the projects are done! feel kind of relieve but there is still exam next week! ROAR! anyway, my weekend was quite busy but i'm happy about it.
alright, here you go.

Friday, 310709
Went out to town with huiling, zhizi and their friend verena. on my way home, brought a cake as we going over to mike's hse to surprise him with the cake.
the video uploaded on facebook is damn funny. well, hope he like it. (:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MIKE!(:
Saturday,010809
I almost spend my whole day at town. went down early to meet fb to help her make up. waited for gene and nabil to come before going to heeren to watch shaq dance. glad that i got shuwen to accompany when fb was working.(: THANKS SHUWEN!
shaq dance was great, went over to far east and shop with the rest. *lazy to elaborate,let the photo speak
*while waiting for gene & nabil*

*after shaq dance performance at heeren*

*at ion*

Sunday,020809
Youth classes in the morning.oh, and it's gabriel birthday too! (:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY GAB!(:
*Youth Group*

that's all for today. too tired already. need more sleep!!yohoooo! (:

2009-07-30T18:35:00.003+08:00

-as usual, i love taking the sunset or the sky everytime i sit on dad's car ((: -

have been real busy this few weeks with PROJECTS.
but now, i'm glad that i'm only left with 1 project presentation and 2 reports to hand in. alright. enough with all the school projects and exam.

I must say i'm happy with my life for now. though there ain't perfect life in the world. but i like the accompany of all my friend.
especially Siti,FB,Gene,Shaq,Nabil,Char,Germs,Shuwen,lester,sandra,alvin
days in school is so much fun with them around.

not to forget, people whom i haven't meet up for long.
EV*LUTION,BONDERS,HUILING so much misses.

monday: had a 3hrs break as our lesson was cancel.so went to thompson for breakfast with siti,gene,char,lester & alving. oh and thanks alvin for driving.
tuesday: again, we end our gscm tutorial early. and had 3 hrs break again.(: went to ion orchard before coming back for tutorial.but in the end it was cancel due to the fact that only 7 people turn up for the class.
wed: met up with ting,an,zo for dinner.((:

okay. lazy to upload pictures :X but i'm kind of happy with my life already.
at least it's not the worst that i've ever encounter.

sometimes, i really can't be bother about all this shit.

leading my life the way i want.((:

oh and thanks nabil((:
Amy Lowell:
Happiness: We rarely feel it.
I would buy it, beg it, steal it,
Pay in coins of dripping blood
For this one transcendent good.

*Happy Donut*

Genevieve SURPRISE Birthday Celebration (:

2009-07-26T00:16:00.005+08:00

In the midst of all projects and ICA.everyone is feeling STRESS UP and all.
but not to forget to have a little time for a break!WAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Mini SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY for GENEVIEVE BABE!at Cafe Del Mar((:

[Presenting to you the BIRTHDAY GIRL!]
[i wish.....HAHAHA!hope your wish come true!(:]

[US with the LANA cake-the cake is damn nice((: ]

[SMILE PEEPS! <3]

[the first game - INDIAN POKER]

[DARE-ON-DARE]
*gene gonna kiss the ass of the blue man!*

*nabil classic face,THANKS for sending us home!* ((:

[Poking the birthdaygirl! HAHAHAHA!]
*look at gene, she look so happy.LOL!*

well, the days end fun playing prank on gene and kelvin.HAHAHA.
people that went there know what happen.:D
more photos on facebook. ((:

2009-07-21T22:16:00.001+08:00

I need a rest
I need a sleep
I need to stop sleeping late
I neet to start sleeping early

I need to stop day-dreaming and carry on with my life.

2009-07-21T02:54:00.002+08:00

before i get cuddle into my bed and shut this laptop,
i wanna say.
"i love you mummy!" shall blog about why on wed night or maybe thurs.
there's a reason. (:

and last of all, finally done with physical and Gscm report and ppt.
really drain my brain.

lesson learnt: to start project early.but ther is 3 more killer one to go. DIE!

*it maybe be the same people, same scenario, or even same problem. but no matter what, it would'nt happen like it was.*

2009-07-20T00:52:00.003+08:00

Exam Time-Table is out!!!!!!!
and i'm left with less than a month to get prepare for all this! roar!!!

look at the dates, the paper end at 21st and on the 24th i'm starting my IPP!
it's so. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GOOD LUCK TO ME!
stress,stress,stress,stress,stress,stresssssssssssssssssss!

2009-07-19T21:32:00.004+08:00

Projects are getting on my nerves man.
there are just too much projects to do.
5 more to go. in which 2 is due on tuesday. while the other 3 is due the following week, and i have yet to start.

my headache is another problem. it's just always there. and i don't have the habit to eat medicine.
i tried to sleep early, but there is always endless work.

daddy have been asking me this few question these few days.
"What are you going to do after poly",
"What course do you want to study in university",
"What job do you want to do when you step into the working world"

it's making me think. i've been thinking of this few question in the past. but the answer always change. i mean as in not exactly change but it was partly due to what i'm studying now. oh well, shall think about this problem again.
right now, i need to concentrate on projects.

oh.last but now least,
HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY GENEVIEVE!!!!!
stay happy and pretty babe! (:

2009-07-17T21:53:00.002+08:00

it's time for me to make changes to my blog.
in the process of thinking it.
let's wait and see. (:

2009-07-16T22:05:00.003+08:00

whether to say it amazing or irritating.

i wish i wasnt home early today.
the moment i step into the house, the phone start ringing.
and it's getting on my nerve.
calling from different people to look for my parents.
THEY ARE STIL OVERSEA! some can still check from my house light.
so f*cking omg. can't i have at least sometime alone for myself.

yes, they are coming back tmr early morning. anything just call tmr lah.
damn irraitating. and freaking asking me so many reducdent question.
bang wall man.

2009-07-14T14:53:00.002+08:00

in less than 24 hours, i'm going to take my international business test. and yet.
i have not even cover half of what i'm suppose to study.
there is just so much for me to remember, memorise. and i am left with such little time.

i'm tired and i'm sick already. how am i suppose to really do well for my exam ?
questioning myself, exam is like coming soon. and projects due date is just round the corner. sad to say, some of my project are like still hanging halfway.
i'm seriously scare that i can't do well this sem.

but nevermind. i will just try to work hard.
still finding the motivation to study.
shall get back to my IB revision.

2009-07-14T00:57:00.003+08:00

after much advise from people,

I SHALL BLOG MORE ABOUT HAPPY STUFF!!! (:

it's not that my life is sad or i'm emotional.
but sometimes, i always blog when i'm sad. that's why people don't see the part that i'm happy.

i shall blog about my happy life soon.
kind of busy with studies and projects.
that's all. (:

2009-07-10T01:47:00.002+08:00

i hate farewell because i know i can't take the feeling of it.
but still, i went through it. it's a tough process.

so, i skipped calculus on wed to send brother and my parents off to perth.
bro is going to study there for 3 years. yes. he will come back. but i miss him. ):
once i look into his room, the tears just can't stop. hate this shit of myself.
for now, i just hope the best for him studying over there.

after sending him off, went over to jurong point with tsehwee and mike to look at the ev*lution ring. And found out this shop that have free engraving and with chinese character and symbol too. COOL!but the shop is at amk hub. drove down to amk hub to visit that shop. was happy that both me and tsehwee make the ring already. (:

being alone can be both good and bad.

in life, sometimes there is no u-turn. although, there is always traffic light.
treasure every moment in life.

2009-07-03T21:01:00.003+08:00

because, no one will ever get why i wanted to do it.
there may be a reason that fall behind it.
but it's unexplainable.
the more you continue, the more i'm unable to take it.
you use to understand me the best. but things changes.
now i'm scare. i'm really scare.
i don't know since when. but sometimes the feeling is coming back. ):

is that even me? or am i back to the usual me?
that i can't control my emotion?

2009-07-03T15:07:00.003+08:00

I'm sick and tired of it already.
things always don't work out.
i'm not forcing anyone.
but i can't be bother about it already.

how will the days be like in future?

2009-07-01T00:34:00.002+08:00

I understand myself that I tends to change my mood damn fast.especially infront of my parents and brother.

sometimes, i really hate it when people vent their anger or saying stuff that should not be said.

anyway, it's just a comment.

Although, holiday are sort of extended, but projects and tutorials are such a drag.
I just can't seems to find any motivative to start doing it and i seriously hate this kind of feeling. I really want to do well but just no mood?

Finally after so long, i met up with the bonders. As promised jess to bring her for the bubblegum icecream @ cold rock. shall meet up soon. (:

2009-06-29T23:39:00.001+08:00

All American Rejects
Straightjacket Feeling lyrics

Back me down from backing up
Hold your breath now it's stacking up
Etched with marks, but I can deal
And you're the problem and you can't feel
Try this on, straightjacket feeling
so maybe I won't be alone
Take back now, my life you're stealing

Yesterday was hell
But Today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all I ever thought you would be,
That face is tearing holes in me again

Trust you is just one defense
Off a list of others, you don't make sense
Beg me time and time again
to take you back now, but you can't win
Take back now, my life you're stealing

Yesterday was hell
But Today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all I ever thought you would be
That face is tearing holes in me,

but today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all the things you put me through
I'm holding on by letting go of you

And when that memory slips away
There will be a better view from here
And only lonesome you remains
and just the thought of you I fear
grip falls away

Yesterday was hell
But Today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all I ever thought you would be
That face is tearing holes in me,

but today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all the things you put me through
I'm holding on by letting go of you

2009-06-25T15:49:00.003+08:00

Yesterday Class Outing was really damn FUN! I hope everyone enjoy their day at Marina Barrage. Thought the weather aint that good and we didn't have the chance to actually fly kites ): but the games that we play was funny.

some of the pictures below! (:

I met up with Nabil early at King Albert Park and off we went to find Lester in School. Waited for him and went over to his parents house to get the curry and ice-box. Next was to get the necessary stuff, ice and SUBWAY COOKIES! (:

well, by the time we reach marina barrage, it was like already 1+ going to 2 or 2+. can't exactly remember the time. But, when we reach only siongkai, gene and sha was there. So it was still quite alright. As it was a RAINING day yesterday, we decided to stay in the shelter area. We found a spot and sat down. start to unpack all the stuff and started playing our first game of the day which is UNO! So, we were saying the loser got to do forfeit. shall not disclose who's that lucky person. haha!

anyway, people start coming.oh and Mr. Ong came with his 2 kids.so cute. So, there were games like playing Poker, Guessing Games, Taboo, Volleyball, Soccer, Monkey game. I guess everyone have fun. ((:

This is like the first class outing in this 2 years. I would say it's successful. (:

thought everyone left like 7+, Nabil, Sha, Fb and me continue to have our own outing! we went over to Taka to buy Sha stuff for her camp today.And we went to play POOL!! We have fun and Sha finally know how to play eh! *THIS IS ENCOURAGING* we shall go play or go out next week ya! (:

*Nabil and Lester, thanks for whatever your did yesterday. if not the outing will not be successful! (:

oh. not to forget Nabil break his own records. Like 4 Records?

2009-06-25T15:37:00.003+08:00

Finally, after so long, i guess should be around 1 year plus.
I met up with ying and zul. well, the only i remember i met them last year for dinner at vivo and once at dover mrt to pass them ticket.
Chatting about our life and all. sometimes it kind of make me regret about my life.

in fact, after my 'O' i was actually posted to SP: marinetime transportation management. but i appeal for NYP: business management. so, ying was actually studying this course. and she can actually get her degree just in 1 year.
which is damn fast. Not only that, she is able to fly all the way to Holland to study for 3 months. *envy. well, afterall, that's was my choice back then. So, no point regretting. but i seriously hope i can meet up with her soon. miss her damn much! (:

anyway, this events occur on monday. LOL.

2009-06-23T00:13:00.002+08:00

Recently, I'm just like updating what I've been doing in my holidays. Not really getting into details.

I was still thinking what i've been doing on friday. went to meet clarissa and went over to her house for awhile. before she goes off for the commision balls dinner.
oh. so at night there was youth group agm. well, more of responsiblity now than other things. *sometimes i kind of drag it. After that off to watch terminator with the guys. well, the show was somehow just so~so only. LOL. i almost fall asleep in there.

As for saturday, sutra recitation competition.it was a fast one thought. And gathering @ Jerms house until 1+ i think. mahjong and wii.(:
sunday was the sutra recitation graduation. it looks as if we graduate from school. lol. if wannt see the photo look at my facebook.(:

went back to school today to gave the lecturers the invitation cards for the class outing this wednesday. but sadly, all of them are not free.

projects are starting to pile up. and all the deadlines and all. really got to take note of it and all. okay. i'm back to my project now. ciao!

2009-06-18T23:35:00.002+08:00

These few days, i've been sleeping late and waking up early.
Well, i guess it's because of holiday.
I'm like having fun and have barely started on any of the project. ):

let's see what i've done for the past few days.
last sunday went sentosa with reyna and family gathering at night at my house
monday which is the only day that i stay at home, but tsehwee,ben,david,mike came over to chill and slack in the night.
tuesday was out with tsehwee, ben and mike. had lunch at deli vege and off to gamehaven and play guitarhero(which screw up) and wii.
wednesday, went to do treatment for my hair and met up with siti and fb and midnight movies-"drag me to hell" with tsehwee,ben,mike and bro.
and as for today.
thursday, went to aunt's condo and swim with cousins and shopping after that.

well well,so much fun for this week. which make me think back that, i should be really getting started on my projects. okay. for now, i shall go back to reading my projects guideline again! bye! (:

2009-06-15T13:32:00.002+08:00

I seriously hope that there will be no last minutes rushing of project this sems.
well, as i was "analysing" all the projects dates and deadline.
I'm starting to feel the stress there! *today is just the first day of holiday ):*
anyway, i shall list down the project dates and module to remind myself.

1) IB & ICTSCM WRITTEN TEST - week of 13/7/09
2) HRM&P PROJECT - week of 13/7/09
3) GSCM & PHYSICAL DISTRIBUTION PROJECT - week of 20/7/09
4) PURCHASING, IB, ICTSCM PROJECT - week of 27/7/09

all of this are like 1 week after 1 another. i really feel like dying man!
nvm, i shall really start working on it. at least, project are always the one that pull my grades. i'm not sure why. but i always die on my end of year paper.
alright. that's all for now. shall start on it soon. (:

2009-06-15T02:24:00.002+08:00

Usually people are always busy during their weekends like going out and have fun with friend, family. but sometimes, there are other stuff to be busy with.

I kind of miss going out with the bonders. they are always the one that make me feel happy. maybe somewhere without much conflict and all.

well, people that are close to one another sometimes tend to keep some part of their secret with themself. even if it's a big group or just a few friends. sometimes wonder what trust is or maybe to say, whether is it really comfortable with them around.

*sorry but i backspace. i'm not sure if i should carry on writing this.

2009-06-13T22:49:00.003+08:00

well, yesterday marks the start of our term break.which mean half of the sems is already gone. with this 2 weeks of break. there's actually quite alot of things for me to do. there are project lining up for almost all the module. well, i hope, my project will really pull my grades up.

oh, my room seems to be so damn "empty" right now.it's left with my bed, a rocking chair and a small table.well, my study table has been move to the study room. not only that, the dining table at the kitchen have move to directly outside my room. lol. all seems nice and it fits in well. just that my piano was move to the balcony now. so now, i'm like sitting on the floor using my laptop. pathetic. but my room is so much BIGGER now. really.

hmm, sun tannin with reyna tml. it's been long. and photoshoot with ev*lution soon.
okay. i'm not sure what to blog now. (:

there's this thing in me that i can't say out. sometimes, i feel restricted.

happily never after

2009-06-10T23:39:00.000+08:00

Happily Never After - Pussycat Dolls

"I dont think I want this anymore"
As she drops the ring to the floor
She says to herself "You've left before
This time you will stay gone , thats for sure"

And he shattered something as
She dragged her suitcase down the path
To the driveway
She had never gone that far
Normally this would be
The time that she
Would let him talk her out of leaving
But this time, without crying
As she got into her car
She said

No..
Happily never after
That just aint for me Because finally
I know, I deserve better, after all
I'll never let another teardrop fall

As she drove away she starts to smile
Realized she hadn't for a while
No destination, she drove for miles
Wonderin' why she stayed in such denial

Laughing about the way he shattered something as
She dragged her suitcase down the path
To the driveway
She had never gone that far
Normally this would be
The time that she
Would let him talk her out of leaving
But this time, without crying
As she got into her car
She said

No..
Happily never after
That just aint for me Because finally
I know, I deserve better, after all
I'll never let another teardrop fall

I'm done , I'm done
Said I'm so done
So done, I'm done, I'm done
I'm free, I'm free, I'm free
Free to be me

She inhales an air she'd never breathed before
The air of no drama, no more
She said

No..
Happily never after
That just aint for me Because finally
I know, I deserve better, after all
I'll never let another teardrop fall
(3x)

..another teardrop fall

2009-06-08T00:48:00.002+08:00

well, recently i'm getting lazier to blog.

I'm suppose to be getting prepare to fly off to Suzhou today.
but like i have said said from the previous post. that trip was cancel. for good.

anyway, let's see what exactly happen in my life this few weeks.
1st- science center with babes
2nd- david's 21st birthday
3rd- ben's 21st birthday
and all this, i didn't have time to upload the picture here yet. it's kind of a drag.
and not to forget the endless ICA-test and project. ):

well, for now, i'm really starting to appreciate my life.
things get better once i've actually sort out all of the stuff.
guess my life werent that bad afterall. just that i didnt realise it.
but for now, i'm trying hard to really get over all the things.
the knot that have been inside my hearts for ages.
it's time for me to really let it go.
and i wish i could do it.
i'm left with little time now. and it's really time to appreciate it.

2009-06-03T23:45:00.000+08:00

it's been long since i blog.):
i'm tired. there are just too much thing for me to do recently.
i have icas everyweek. and screw it out. this week i got 3.
worst still, i still have project to do.
i'm damn tired already. i've no time.
and now i'm starting to fall sick.

shall update on ben's and david's birthday chalet soon.(:

sometimes,i just wish that.........

2009-05-23T11:43:00.004+08:00

After much thought, I have decided to just ignore what is actually going on.
I actually wanted to msg you.but now I don't find the need.
Because, whatever thing that i do is worthless.
The least thing that i can think was just be normal and be friends.
Although, things have happen, and I have no idea what it is.
But it is pointless for me to think about it any further.
I do not want to have any NIGHTMARE again.
It's hurting me like shit and scaring me off.
It's making me suffocated and i HATE this part of me.
So I do not want it to happen again.
Maybe this way it's easier for me to hack care and let it go.(:

I will just be the same, as a friend to be there if you need me.
but i doubt so.haha.(:
so oh well, i guess it's time for me to JUMP out of that box or circle. whatever.
Because, i do not want to think that you make an impact in my life.
thought you did so in the past. But not my future.

I have sort out my thoughts and feeling.
It's time for me to search for my new life. I hope. (:

*sometimes, i really love what daddy have said.
although he was saying stuff in a general term and way.
but in a way, it motivates me to actually really move on with my life.
I knew that God will tell me what to do in a way from other people.
And, it actually inspire me to really move on, and jump out of all those stuff that i should not be concentrating on. (:

2009-05-23T02:13:00.002+08:00

I have no idea what's when wrong.
I seriously didn't do anything.
so don't put the blame on me.
I may be easy to joke around with but everyone have their own limits.
I'm okay with anything. but please don't show me attitude.

It's always when i thought life was starting to get better,
it falls apart again.
until now, i'm still trying hard to accept the facts.
and thinking it in another way. or putting into other shoes and think.

ANYWAY, school have been quite moodly or emo recently. don wish to say about it.
mon-suppose to study with emrs peeps.but cancel. ):
tues- classes
wed- cleaning up
thurs- Science center with BJ girls
friday- movie"night at the museum 2" with the Gang

shall update photo of science center soon. it's was damn fun and funny.
it's been long since i have such a great laugh.
the own self is still hidden in me.but i don't wish to show it out ):

chalet for 3d2n at pasir ris. and monday no school.finally (:
just another 4 days. ):

2009-05-17T23:13:00.000+08:00

I miss driving alone.
looking at the clear blue sky.
somehow it just make me smile.

I'm having a hard time breathing.
too much responsibility is dragging me.
I'm awaiting for a change.

ICA is coming, and I'm not prepare.
I hope my GPA will improve.!
And i might not be able to go to Suzhou because of the Swine Flu. ):

sometimes,we don't even know what our hearts want us to do.
or do we even understand ourself.

2009-05-16T12:58:00.000+08:00

I'm in the midst of sorting out my thoughts and feeling. I can't help but I just feel lonely and alone.There are too much issue in my life now.

Will you be there when i need you ?

Went to watch Angels and Demons with "the gang" yesterday. I can't help but just feel that everyone is wierd nowadays. Or maybe it's just me.

I just need time to really move on and get out of all this shit.

2009-05-14T20:03:00.001+08:00

i don't know. but i've been blogging for the 4th time today?
talking to myself. maybe i am suppose to go out and enjoy with my friend.
but i'm tired. sorry siti and fb. other days i promise. ):

maybe it was what i think.
but i feel much better after drinking alone. yes alone. ):

2009-05-14T19:36:00.000+08:00

if you don't wanna make your day worst. then don't bother reading it.

life's is fucking bad.
most "friends" of mine are experience their most down period of life.
yes. mine wasnt. that bad. but considering
everything around me is collasping.

i always thought i am strong enought to withstand it.
but i doubt so. some around me can just be faking it with me.
maybe i affected the your life and that the other person was just there.
leaving me with no one!fine. i'm okay with it.
so just fucking stop coming into my life.
after being friends for so long. we have been talking lesser than usual.
i know you are busy, you are down. whatever it is. i'm fucking hacking care about it.

anyway, this is my blog. so what people say i'm gonna hack care about it.
yes. i'm jealous of how you treat other people better than me.
when in fact, we should be close. i might as well, just leave the house.
people around you, i guess they know much about it. just that they don't know how to speak to me.
if i were given a choice. i just hope that i have nothing to do with you all.
it makes me even more miserable.
you are not helping but you are making it fucking even more worst.
when people is treating me badly, you add on to it. is this how you treat me.

i need a drink. i guess i need to calm myself down.

2009-05-14T19:28:00.000+08:00

in the process of breaking down.

2009-05-14T19:16:00.001+08:00

IRRITATING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-05-14T19:11:00.001+08:00

early morning give me that fucking attitude. shut up la.
and don't use that eye to stare at me loh.
people are not as free as you are.
the thought of you irritates me!

sometimes, that's the reason why i don't even wanna come home.
i'm feeling fucking tired from all this.
the moment i think about it, i fucking feel like crying.
and i hate it.!!!!!!!!

2009-05-12T00:04:00.000+08:00

Due to insufficient sleep, I didn't really concentrate during lesson today. ):
which causes me to feel giddy and feverish today.

school was alright today. nothing nice to actually elaborate about.
but i was glad that i receive my result for my TEP today.
was kind of happy about my grades. but i could have done better.
i shall work damn hard for this year! (:

met up with the bonders in the evening to celebrate the TWINS 20TH BIRTHDAY!
i'm sorry that i was not able to go celebrate with your on saturday.
but i hope you 2 really enjoy ya. shall post some photos soon.
meeting up with bonders just make me feel happier i guess.
they always make me laugh until damn hard. but i love their accompany.
sorry if i wasnt able to make it to meet all of you all the time.
but i will try and make my time out for you! (:

2009-05-09T23:23:00.000+08:00

the only solution to a problem is to face it bravely, but, i admit that sometimes, i do not have the courage to face it. so i tried to say that i move on with my life.
in another words, i'm running away from the problem.

recently, there are too much personal problems.
i'm just like at the tip of the mountain, any moment i can just drop down.
maybe dropping down is a good idea. but....

i know. this blog kind of sucks totally, recently, it's all about emo stuff.
people around me have been telling me. stop blogging about sad stuff. blog about happy and fun stuff. well, it's not that i don't want. it's just that.
nothing much that happen in my life is making me happy. sad to say, i think recently, everyone got their own problem to handle.

well, maybe, it's just the down point in life. anyway.
i'm trying hard to be happy and cheer up a little more.
staying stong. i hope.

p.s: thanks all that have console me during this period. i know that you have your own problem, i hope things will be fine for your too. (:

2009-05-09T17:11:00.000+08:00

once it's been confirm.
there would not be any chance left for me.
and all i need to know.
is to work freaking and damn hard.
save up the money.
to make my dreams come true.

i'm not going to blame anyone.
it's just the path taken at a wrong time.
so oh well. start studying already! (:

2009-05-08T22:45:00.000+08:00

i'm trying hard to stay happy and trying to ignore all the thing.

2009-05-06T19:23:00.001+08:00

because. you don't even understand and know a shit of it.
or, maybe it's because of me. that everything happen this way.
just that, people do not know how to point it out to me?
there's always argument at home. it's because they don't even try to understand me?
it's like something just snatch away everything from me.
and fuck please. i aint your maid. to listen what you ask me to do.
can you just shut up and live your own life without interuppting mine.
lead your whatever good life of yours. get anything you wanted and snatch all those from me.becos. i'm trying fucking hard to stay away from you. don't act as if you care about me. it's not like i don't know your intention. it's just that i don't want to fucking say a shit.

everything is a drag for now.
school kind of sucks, life sucks. practically everything suck to the max!

suzhou trip is suspended for now. i'm totally having a mixed feeling.
i just want to get out of singapore now. i wanted to go suzhou. but in a way, i'm starting to afraid of my school project and all. ):
drag drag drag.

2009-05-01T13:07:00.000+08:00

today mark the end of the first week of school.
i kind of drag to go school for this whole week.
everything seem kind of wierd.
anyway, thought it's a drag to school.
but there are still days where i have fun.

at least there are meet up with the emrs peeps! mahjong mahjong. lol!
and also movies dates with huiling,fb,shuyee and melvin.

after months of pondering. i think i should really not waste my parents money and concentrate on my piano. should get motivated in practising it everyday. ha!
not only on my piano , i should also be more motivated in studying.
i hope i can really study hard and get good grades for this sems.
so i can get into a uni! (:

okay, later got a gathering at night for mother's day celebration. shall start studying now in case no time! (: bye peeps.

*p.s thanks angel for listening to me for the past few days. update update of news heh! (:

2009-04-29T23:44:00.000+08:00

mahjong session with the emrs friend. it's fun. (:
thanks guys. i really miss all of you! ):
but at least we still get to see each other in school and meet up ya.
i tried to smile and laugh. i'm tired.
i kind of hate my life now. except for the FUN part!

2009-04-28T23:59:00.000+08:00

please just give me a break from all this shit.
i really cannot take it anymore.
school.family.friend.
SCREW UP LIFE!

for what it takes.
everything is starting to build up in piles,
and it's even getting HARDER for me to catch my breath.
fuck. everything in my life now totally SUCK!!!

2009-04-25T23:40:00.001+08:00

i hope things was simple.
i hope i can just jump out of that circle.
and i wish that things will be fine.

but still, i'm stuck inside.
i really want to get it over and done with.
aiya. whatever la.~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-04-22T23:35:00.000+08:00

i've learn to forgive and forget.
i just want to lead my life happily.
i just hope everything will come to an end.
and things can start a new.

so, if the person is reading this,
no matter what, we are stll friend.
but please, i don't want to hear about all those stuff already.
because, this is the last time i wanna hear it.
if it happens again. i'm not sure what i will do. so ya.

lastly, i just hope that year 3 will be fun and no problem. (:
4 more days to year 3. let's do a good job for year 3.

Specially for YOUR!

2009-04-18T16:50:00.000+08:00

firstly, i'm sad that emrs just end off like that.
putting a full stop to my TEP. althought it's like a free labour kind of job.
but, i definetly learn alot through TEP. from sales to planning. all this which we can't learn from books.

thought, it make the last day of emrs. but i am very grateful to everyone in emrs. from team 1,2,3,4 and 5. emrs is fun with you all around.
but especially to these people:

PAMELA CHEW YAN YU
HILARY DAVID TEO
PREENA
ALISAH
NICK
TUAN and not forgetting
CLARISSA!

YOU ALL MAKE MY WORLD IN EMRS. love you guys! if without you, i guess emrs will not be fun and all. (: thanks

2009-04-18T16:25:00.000+08:00

no matter what happen, i just want thing to end.
i don't want to involve in all this kind of things already.
i simply hates it.
i got eyes and feeling, i know what is going on around.
it's just that i don't want to bring it up.
so, just stop it okay.

life still have to go on.

putting a full stop for the last day or emrs. i guess i'll most probably miss everyone. 10 week of emrs, althought i listen and heard about comment. like i say, i don't want to bother already. it's their mouth anyway. if those people just still want to continue saying things about me. then let it be. i believe 1 day, you will get retribution or karma. oh whatever it is, i get to see how human can actually behave. what they say infront of you maybe good. but at the back, it's always -.-.
but whatever. just fuck off my life then. no more emrs. year 3 coming. whatever.
i just want things to go well. i fucking want to end all this. and don't want get me involve in whatever shit already.

next post will be a nice post.

2009-04-13T22:20:00.000+08:00

feel like vomiting now. maybe due to the late dinner. ):
anyway, was having this suzhou briefing just now in school.
suddenly have to wierd and dishearted feeling.
maybe i wasnt even really planned to go there.
maybe it's a desire just to get to oversea?
but oh well, i already paid for the $500. and next will be the $560.
i just hope that i'm able to cope and learn a lot from there.

so, i went out with cindy today. and we went to do pedicure!
hmm, and next outing we shall go sing(:

sometimes, i wonder, am i really satisfied with my life now.
or it is just that few things that make my life incomplete.

after having a long weekend, tml will be back in school.
i still have leaves to take. but it's already the last week of emrs.
just want to enjoy the time with them. (:

2009-04-10T23:28:00.000+08:00

seriously, i think i'm having a lack of sleep.
it's like only 1130pm and i am already damn freaking sleepy.
time-table for year 3 is out. at first i was still quite happy that i have off on wed. but....
when the next time i log in. i got the extra module on both wed and friday.
wed-go back just for 2 hrs lesson
fri - extend 2 more hrs!
it's damn shitty can.

oh well, but come to think of it. it's for my future sake. so for now, i shall work hard to study and all. i seriously hope i can get a good grade and improve my gpa.
daddy just talk to me, like a random conversation. ya, i remember he said, he can only afford 1 person to go oversea and study. since young, i always have this dream of studying oversea. sometimes, just leaving here seems to be a better choice. back to it. so i am trying my best to really pull up my gpa so that at least i can get into ntu or smu. but it's FREAKING HARD to get in. nvm, i shall try.
i guess if really cant. maybe i shall come out and work for 1 year then go study again. it seems much better too.

okay, i'm tired already. shall go off. take care. photo will be up soon (:

2009-04-06T14:23:00.000+08:00

seriously, i am sick and tired of my life now.
there ain't anything that keep me motivated or moving.
after so much things that happen.
i just hope everything will be back to normal.
so this is life.
but a life that i cant really do much in it.

2009-03-27T16:26:00.000+08:00

maybe,it's really time for me to update this blog.
have been really busy recently. but at last, all the busy are like over.
LifeStyle Roadshow is finally over. it's a really good experience for me.
get to really learn alot from it.

emrs is like coming to an end in 3 weeks time. i'll definitely miss the days.
it's like totally difference from studying. just that for now, got to start on all the reports and all. life in emrs is really great with a bunch of awesome people which includes, PAMELA,PREENA,ALISAH,NICK,HILARY,CLARISSA,TUAN. thanks for being there for me yeah! (: reall appreciate it. love all of you.

finally after 9 month or so. i changed my phone! now my phone got lights on it.
the best part is that. i get the phone that i wanted all along. OMNIA!thanks daddy. haha!

sometimes, i really feel like i am gonna break down soon. i don't know why. but life is always up and down for me. sometimes, it's hard to trust people but you know that they are you good friend. it's not that i don trust. just do not know why things will happen like that. so much of rumours, i'm already sick of it.i'm tired already.
when will all this things end? i guess most of my friends know that i always wanted to go oversea and study. i guess that's the only way to runaway or avoid all this stuff. i know that, when there is problem, i should face it. but sometimes, it's just hard. but.i really hope things will be better soon. at least not that awkards?
once, a doctor told me, i need to be happy and try not to be sad. but how can i even control my feeling? it's really tought for me. sometimes i really drag.

i really want to run away from everything.

trip

2009-03-04T11:17:00.000+08:00

i think i am contradicting myself sometimes.
cant make up my mind and so.

recently, i'm feeling abit wierd. just me.
i really do not know what happen.
i'm happy that i have my friends around.
but that's not everytime.

oh. and by the way.
i just receive the new yesterday that i get in for my Suzhou Trip.
3 weeks oversea without my family and friends.
but i'm glad that i have SITI, PEARLYN AND JESSICA going.

maybe i just need a break off in singapore.
althought i know that, if I'm going oversea, it's gonna be real stress and all.
like coping with the project all this. but i hope it can really help me in the future. after all it's a learning experience.
the only sad part is that i'm so gonna miss my family and friends.

shall update again (:

2009-02-28T23:59:00.001+08:00

simply love to watch movie. althought sometimes its tiring.
ytd was marley and me. today is he's just not that into you.
oh well, both show are alright. quite okay.

but i do really love the company of all my friends.
finally after like 1 month. i met up with the bonders.
and today went out with cindy, pp and dale. while shuai join us after that at tcc.

finally like i can socialise more with my friend.
but parents are always parents. they start to say i everyday go out.
and go out until very late. hai. forget it.

anyway, i guess recently i am spending money like water?
firstly is the new year clothes.
follow by the CK wristlet.
and today, i just brought a new bag. IMPULSE buying.
maybe i need some retail therapy.
but no money no money.
I'M SO BROKE NOW!

ok. done with it. bye! (:

2009-02-28T01:35:00.000+08:00

maybe i should set a goal for myself.
so as to continue my life.
and i always believe, life doesn't revolves around just me or anyone.

time will not stop just for you.
therefore, i should treasure everyday day and time of my life.
i guess i sound so -.- now.
it's really time to set my own target and goal.

2009-02-24T22:17:00.000+08:00

disappointed with myself.

i wanted to play it well. i just want to play the songs that i like most.
but reality shows, without cert. its like nothing.
i don't want to disappoint my parents too.
they have provide me with so much things.
adding on to my piano. the expenses they spend on me is real high.
i feel damn fcuking guilty and bad.
I WANT TO PLAY WELL FOR THE EXAM!
but, i am scare and nervous.
play wrongly, the notes, the speed. fcuk.

god bless me. i just want to pass. at least a pass.
i hope i can get at least a grade 8 cert by 2010. hai.

updating

2009-02-24T00:09:00.000+08:00

wondering how i should start.

ohmy, i think i almost faint just now, like suddenly a black out. i guss it'sthe pressure.
anyway, after 1 week plus. i FINALLY get to meet up with siti bestie! hee.! (:

oh by the way, life in emrs was kind of fun,tiring, stressful. anything that you can name it.
sourcing for supplier. planning of roadshow. well, i really get to learn from here. but then its still stressful!

you know. people play piano is like for relaxing and all. but it's definitly not into me right now.
i almost breakdown when playing my piano pieces. its damn hard. and there is always a part that i cant get it right. and most importantly! my exam is on FRIDAY! this time round i am really not well prepare. fcuk. i am freaking scare and nervous la!

this few weeks was actually just so~so. a bit of stress here. but there is also the fun part.

and i realise. there is so much LINK in school.

oh well. shall end off. see when i have the mood to write again. haha!
take care! (:

2009-02-14T11:30:00.000+08:00

the day just went pass like a second.
it's been long since i blog.

2009-02-08T00:15:00.000+08:00

sometimes, i really do not know what to write.

emrs starting on monday. which mean full shift for the whole of the next 9 weeks.
faster congrats me. everyday 9-530pm! whaoz.

shall blog again. (:

2009-02-01T23:17:00.000+08:00

i just feel that way.

2009-01-29T00:31:00.000+08:00

indeed, life is fragile. we do not know what will happen next in our life.
this few days, i have heard alot about people passing away, kind of feel sad about it.
it's the new year, everyone is celebrating the chinese new year.

oh well, do want to make myself emo. okay. i am just a little sad. but not emo.
so i understand that, we should realy treasure our life and every moment we have.
so to all my friends: i love you all. hahaha! sound so wierd.

2009-01-25T19:24:00.000+08:00

imagine your bank account decrease like hell.
i cant imagine that i have actually spend 200+ overall on my new year clothes i think.
even thought i spend so much, but this year i only took like $100 from my parents?
feel kind of bad to everytime spend their money. but oh well.
maybe i should start loooking for jobs to earn money for myself.

forgetting about what i have brought all this, there are still alot of things that i wanted to buy.
okay, i will not denied it. its not a need but a want.

1) Adidas jacket
2) wallet(still thinking of which brand)

3) coach wristlet

4) agnes bay or longchamp bag or?

5) should a get a bagpack?

6) new handphone

there is still more to go but cant really thought of what yet. haha!

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR! (:

2009-01-22T17:50:00.000+08:00

Reunion dinner picture as promise. more to go(some other days ) (:

my baby cousin! cute right
me.baby cousin.daddy

me.jo

the whole family

the first and second generation

me.jo

2009-01-21T00:50:00.001+08:00

finallyy the internet connection is back.heard from daddy it was due to some hardware problem. but oh well, at least its fine now. without using it for this few days feel so wierd can.

anyway, last sunday reunion dinner at simei. freaking far. and i guess daddy really speed. like reaching 140km/h. haha. i was sitting behind and trying to see the speedometer.
have youth group before that, and they have outdoor activity. but was kind of glad that there are alot of new comers . and we have like 48 people turning up on that day.
reunion dinner picture to be up soon. (:

this whole week is project week and seriously i hope i can finish both by this friday.
at least i can enjoy the chinese new year and not stressing over PROJECT!

shall blog again. and i guess i am fine.
not really that emo.. but trying hard already . thanks all for the concern (: HUGS!

2009-01-16T20:55:00.000+08:00

that sucky feeling

2009-01-16T09:48:00.000+08:00

i have been feeling wierd this few days.
siti, if you are looking at this post, i'm sorry.
if you donno ask me. (:
but thanks for being there for me ya.

freak the internet connection. i cant even get online, when i am already connected to the internet. don't know what when wrong.

i hope i will not fall sick again. ):

2009-01-14T23:45:00.000+08:00

it's hard to describe how i am feeling now.
a very screw up feeling.
partly due to school work.

have been thinking lately, what wil happen after poly.
or maybe, after taking up so many post and responsibility this year.
will i be able to take it. what will my life be ?

things was not well until monday where we celebrate shushu birthday.
i guess it's been long since we have a gathering or maybe everyone sit down and talk and crap all this.
its been long since there is movie dates, shopping dates.
i guess, i am so use to being there with them having fun,
only to realise that, now everyone is at different stopover,
everyone is busy with their own life. until at a point of time, we all seldom meet and go out.
althought we still meet up and see each other in school, but its just wierd.
maybe thats was why i am feeling empty. or maybe "lonely"
the drifting apart and all.
maybe not just only to them but to all my friends.
it's been long since i went out with the bonders.
the clique, just seems wierd sometimes.

the drifting apart which make me empty and emo

2009-01-10T22:30:00.000+08:00

i can't describe what is happening to my life.
not much of "big" things happen.
just the sudden feeling of emotional and lonliness.

Suppose that I missed you

Suppose that I care

And suppose that spent all my nights running scared

And suppose

That I was never there

In my eyes I'm screaming for a sight of you

And tonight I'm dreaming of all the things that we've been through

And I can't hold on to you

So I guess I'll be lonely too

Suppose we were happy

Suppose it was true

And suppose there were cold nights but we found that waiting through

And suppose that I'm nothing without you

My eyes I'm screaming for a sight of you

And tonight I'm dreaming of all the things that we've been through

And I can't hold on to you

So I guess I'll be lonely too

Slow way down

This break downs eating me alive

And I'm tired

This fire's fighting to survive

2009-01-09T21:57:00.000+08:00

first of all, i am not sure recently i do not have mood to do things.
everything just doesn't seems to fit in my life.

understand that it's always part and parcel of life.
been feeling emo lately too. i freaking hate the way i am now.
in and out of me. nothing seems right.

i am tired. tired of everything.
no one understand.

2009-01-09T01:01:00.000+08:00

recently, all the post are like freaking short.

anyway, i am feeling tired now. but the thought of PM makes me feel so.
i should start studying now. there aint enough time for me to waste already.
i should be studying at home today since there wasnt any school.
but i went out instead. met up with hengling in the afternoon to shopping.
althought didnt brought anything. but its the moment that we spend together which make me happy. thanks girl! (:
not to forget, movie dates with sihui and ben. i guess this is the first time where only 3 person in the whole clique to watch movie. anyway, we catch IP-Man. it was a nice show thought.
sat down at coffee bean until 10+pm and went off.

thought, i am tired. but today was quite a good day i can say. (:

mind still wandering around. i just hope that things wil be better off as day pass.

A lonely road, crossed another cold state line

Miles away from those I love, purpose hard to find

While I recall all the words you spoke to me

Can't help but wish that I was there

Back where I'd love to be, oh yeah

Dear God, the only thing I ask of you is

To hold her when I'm not around,

When I'm much too far away

We all need that person who can be true to you

But I left her when I found herAnd now I wish I'd stayed

'Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired

I'm missing you again, oh no

Once again

There's nothing here for me on this barren road

There's no one here while the city sleeps

And all the shops are closed

Can't help but think of the times I've had with you

Pictures and some memories will have to help me through, oh yeah

2009-01-07T00:43:00.000+08:00

should i go visit the doctor someday this few weeks?
my flu has been coming on and off for 1 month! and i almost cant stand it already.
and now. my leg is worst. 1 leg okay, the other leg give me problem!

sometimes i seriously drag going to school.
msc life sometimes seems more fun becos get to see more people.
freak. donot know why but emoing now ):

2009-01-06T22:27:00.000+08:00

it's been long since i really update the blog.
i do not know why. but don really have to mood to update.
school was rather okay. lesson was bored. but at least there are fun people around.
+ lesson time as always the time to use msn and facebook.

tml cs ica! gonna study abit more.
take care peeps! (:

2009-01-05T09:04:00.000+08:00

i need a change! booboo!

2009-01-03T23:36:00.000+08:00

was that some sort of coincident or ?

i never wanted to think of it that way but.

2009-01-02T17:49:00.001+08:00

it's time to start focusing and concentrating on my studies.

2009-01-01T22:34:00.000+08:00

finally 2009 is here.
i wonder it's actually a good or a bad thing.
i have yet to set my 2009 resolution. and to check back with my 2008 one.
guess i have forgotten all about it.
i hope that 2009 will be a better year for me.
hurtful, sad, down period in my life. i guess 2008 was quite a worst year after all.
things doesnt go by the way, everything was jumble up and etc.
it has been a stressful and hurtful life in 2008. and also the tiring one.
too much things happen, misunderstanding, from family to friends.
but oh well. shall let the past be the past.

so here, i hope that 2009 will be better and a happy year for me.
2008 although it was kind of a bad year for me, but i am still glad that there are happy period too. actually i want to thanks all my friend that were with me whenever i am emo.
too much to name. you know who you are (: just wanna say THANKS !

anyway

BELLA NEO HUILING !!!!!!!!!!!

HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY !

stay pretty always girl! (:

2008-12-30T20:12:00.000+08:00

i realise that for the whole of december i only blog 6 times including this.

Miss (:

2008-12-20T01:01:00.000+08:00

hihi all !!!
gonna blog this before i go taiwan.

seriously, 1 whole week without going to school. feels kind of wierd. but oh well.
have been meeting up with huiling recently. anyway, she has a new name.
"bella neo huiling" even her name inside my handphone change to bella.
she fetish over that show sial. anyway, so gonna miss everyone in singapore.
althought i am just gonna be gone for 1 week.

so sorry to bonders: not able to go picnic and celerbate christmas with you guys . take lots of photo alright.
anyway, just wannt to say, miss you all. shall blog when i am back (:
take good care alright. love ya !

2008-12-18T09:47:00.000+08:00

i've been getting lazier each day to blog. i do not know why.
whenever i am in this page, just do not feel like blogging.
guess there is too much to blog until a point that i do not know where should i start.

the last post was like 10 days ago. wah! okay let's see.
we did our handover to the junior last week. so practically full shift all the way.
kind of miss the msc life, be it the working or the friends. everyone is msc's is cool!
the time there was fun and enjoyable. really miss those days. althought with the workload all this,
but everything just seems to be cool. so on friday we have our farewell, and i just remember, i drove on friday to school. i cant take it that i was kena honk twice in a day! forget it.
the farewell was so so ~
saturday, met up with angel to see joan FB production. was kind of nice. reach home quite late and start packing for my 3D2N chalet camp~!

the chalet camp was quite alright, alot of last min changes and planning. nth much to eleborate.
tuesday, back from chalet. was freaking tired. wanted to sleep, but daddy and mummy drag me out of house to buy things for taiwan. went to IMM and dad's brought me a winter clothes. damn nice can. i simply love it.!!! thanks daddy~!

freaking paisehz ytd, after meeting up with ling at somerset, when walking over to cineleisure, i fall down. fcuk sial. damn paiseh. and i kind of sprain my ankle. super paiseh -.-okay, then we went to catch a movie twilight. was quite nice, the actor was damn handsome and cool.!
the thing that is damn funny was eversince we finish watching the movie, huiling just keep on
"shuai, damn shuai" "i want an angmo bf"! oh wanna know her new name? "Bella Neo Huiling!"

hmm, flying off on saturday. so gonna miss everyone. a whole list of ppl.
sometimes, when i think back. does anyone even bother or care?

2008-12-09T03:07:00.000+08:00

some people are asleep now, some are rushing for reports.
finally, i am done with my report for the personal selling and summary.
i know that its been ages since i blog. so sorry.
and i was kena say by BFF because my blog is lifeless.
ok. don say me already! now i blog okay see.
i blog about you danny!

anyway, the last week was so so~
i fell sick, its like the same as when TEP start, when there is flu, cough, sore throat and abit of fever. is that a rountine or something? anyting worst than this.

i can almost forgot what happen last week, was it due to too much stuff or was i just being too tired to even remember it.
or there wasnt any "happy" things that i could remember.
i remember there is one day when i went out with pp and bestie.
we went to buy siti present and dale.
not forgetting, i brought a cap for myself too. like finally~

remembered that i did full shift on friday, and i was feeling super sick, and still need to count stock! although friday was long, but i get to talk to quite alot of people.
even now i am going to sleeping mode soon. report really tires me out.

i shall update again.with pictures. soon (:
shall get my laptop send to repair soon.if not. hai ):

2008-12-03T01:02:00.000+08:00

i would like to.

thinking of all those report. i just feel like killing myself.
so much. and there is going to be a workshop for nails.
shall update all soon. and its quite cheap. lol!
details will be out soon.

anyway, just update for the sake of it.
i'm tired. but don feel like sleeping.
just be happy and be myself. and days will be fine.(:

2008-12-01T22:35:00.000+08:00

counting down. the second last week of msc. i think i gonna miss the life there. not the job, but the fun element and time. playing ard with friends. talking with everyone.

anyway. fun live now. with people i love ard me.
siti, pearlyn,huiling, danny, tracy, angelyn, joan.
hahaha! the "sister" gang. and danny is a sister.
oh bff, no matter what. even if you are a sister. still my bff ok! . lol!
its fun with great people in my life. slacking area and talking whole lot of shit everytime.

i cant image that, next week is the last week and we are all gonna do full shift.
report not done yet. shit! shall start it soon soon.
i hope i can score well for this tep. (:

2008-11-30T17:48:00.000+08:00

know what. i dreamt ytd that i should talk things out to settle everything. haha.
and everything was settle. things are back on track like finally.
i'm not sure if you will still see this. but thanks for talking to me.
at least i am feeling so much better. and still FRIENDS and just FRIENDS!

i just hope that things will be normal for the both of us. (:
anyway, it's still best to be FRIENDS! (:

2008-11-30T00:53:00.000+08:00

the only way is to hide it.

2008-11-30T00:24:00.000+08:00

there is always a way out
even though i have thought it over
althought i have wanted to let it go but i have been trying
really hard but
somehow i guess it's hard.

do you even understand?
ranted all to myself cause i just can't seems to understand
only way out is to stop thinking of it.
perhaps it's just the process.

2008-11-28T23:46:00.001+08:00

ever ponder and wonder what is actually going on in your heart and mind.
what is the thing that you really want.
what is the thing that you really hope for.
what is the thing that keep you move on.
what is the thing that make you drag.

sometimes, i feel emo. like now. maybe its just that, there is nothing much for me to happy about.
i am happy that i have a whole bunch of good friend with me.
but its always at a moment in times that you start to think of thing.
friends have been asking me to sleep early so i will not anyhow think.
but the thing is, i cant seems to get to sleep.
the only thing to do is. use my laptop until i am freaking tired then i will go rest.
thats just me. okay. enough of the emoness. will be happy as each day pass by ya.

cos i know i have already taken the first step out. i do not want that awkard feeling to stay.
i just wish that we can be friends again (:

for your!

2008-11-28T19:40:00.001+08:00

i've been wanting to blog this since the start of this week. but was feeling super sad, emo and tired thats why i didnt blog it. so now. finding this time to blog it.

siti(bestie) you know i gonna write this already.haha.
angelyn. is this what you guess? hope you guess it right ya! (:

Do your know what exactly is the things that really motivate to school.

if without the list below. i guess i cant hold on to it till now.

1) MY BESTIE-SITI JAMILAH

2)ANGELYN BABY

3) PEARLYN TAN

4) NEO HUILING

5) GURLAINE CHEW

6) JOAN TYE

7) TRACY WONG PEIPEI

8) DANNY YEO KQ

9)SHUSHU(althought i very long didn see you in school)

heh.heh.

i want to say. all of your are equally important in my life.

so it doesnt means if i name you as last you are the least important okie.

i want to say. without you all. i guess, i do not even want to come to school. and i will even drag to school. but because of you. i will come. as your are the one that motivate me to go school.

and being with me throught my down period of life. thanks ya.

love all of your!!! (:

CHANGE!

2008-11-28T19:30:00.000+08:00

after a talk yesterday with bestie! i am feeling so much better. thanks bestie! you know who you are. heehee.

anyway. for this whole week except for today. i am feeling so sad and emo.
i do not want to lie. and yes the reason is that person. but now. i am getting over it. i guess.
what kq said was true. if me and siti was to feel sad and emo. it affects him as well. so...
i should carry on with my life and be a happy person. i do not want my friend to feel sian and sad too. therefore i need a change.

so the first step to a change. to stay happy everyday. i guess i am trying hard already and i can do it. also. i think the really best thing that i did is. i took the initiative to really talk .
i do not want it to feel awkard. but i guess that person is the one avoiding. so. let's take time.
just be friend ya ! (: so. i am glad today that i did something good i guess.

2008-11-27T00:46:00.000+08:00

because i want a change. but all the memories will always lies in it.
it cant be erase therefore, it will be kept.

just want to be the same usual me. and.
i do not want to say, talk about him. anything about him. i will try my best.
because its not worth it at all. ):

2008-11-26T00:49:00.000+08:00

i am getting even more and more lazy each day to blog.
maybe there are too much to blog and i am not sure where to start from.
and. i know. alot of pictures not up yet.
i am feeling freaking lazy to upload it. but shall do it. but maybe not today.

this post is super emo and long. it's super wordy. so if you do not want to read this. just press the cross button. its a very irrating topic.cos its getting boring each day. after hearing me saying so much. so leave if you do not want to see this post.

anyway. i know that its already very long. its already 3months going to 4 month.
and i am still bother about it.
for 1 week i didnt talk much about -. but recently. i guess after what gurlaine have told me on that day back home. i realise it and yes i guess i still like -. althought i know. things will not be the same as last time. but suddenly, it just feels wierd that. being friend is also hard.
seeing you around in school. i guess it all started back that day at cheers.
i fcuking do not understand. the moment i saw -, my heart just does not want to listen to me.
i don understand. i thought i already get over it. but i think its still a NO!
and seriously, i HATE myself freaking hell now.
i know i have been saying about him to your so much recently.
and i know its damn bored to always listen about his name.
i cant stand myself also. but things just do not go by your way.
i am already trying very hard. i really need to admit it.
fcuking disappointed and hating myself right now.
can anyone help me? i guess i need to help myself. i need to get over it.

but afterall, i think i just miss the part where we were so close(as friends) and not.
i really treasure my friendship with you. but all are down the drain now.
maybe if we were friends and we do not act awkard or wierd.
i guess it will be easier for me to get over it really soon.
i know that things will not be like that past. where the both of us are good friend.
but at least, talk to me normally or .thats the least i can expect. but i doubt you will.
i know everything is wierd. but. you told me on that very day you said, let's just be friends again.
so let's see, ever since then, we only went out once. and we talk freaking less. it like as if we are stranger. i tried saying hi and all. but you. you just don seems to even dare to look at my eyes when talking. what is wrong.
can you tell me.
i fcuking want to forget you. but this is not the way it should be.
yes. i still wanna be your friend. fcuk fcuk fcuk!